How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize