Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
They have beer where we have blood.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
