I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
