Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
