ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
