i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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