i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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