you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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