It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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