idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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