Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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