OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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