dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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