We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
