new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
