you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
