"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
