I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
