i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
