I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
