We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
