There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
