Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
