I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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