do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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