I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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