The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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