You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
