My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I will die if light touches me.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Its about making memories worth repressing
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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