did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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