thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
