The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
