GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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