Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
