bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
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As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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