dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
