its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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