I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
