I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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