Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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