Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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