dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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