The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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