I think my vagina is haunted
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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