ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
