Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
