Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
