Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
