there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
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Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
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Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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