Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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