Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
