Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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