No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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