Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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