It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
