so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't think brook has ever known best
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize