New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
