So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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