Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
love makes seman taste better
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I wish there were birth control emojis
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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