I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I cut my penus on the lid.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
